A Failure as a Father - Revisited

This article was originally posted in November 2008 as TV stations were beginning to do the "digital testing" to see if we were ready for the Digital Transition.

Well . . . that transition is now upon us - 12 noon on Friday, June 12. TV stations all over the country will be flipping the switch and the days of analog TV will be just a memory.

In honor of the transition, we have decided to repost the article written by Jonathan Nazigian. This thoughtful article reminds us of what is really important in the lives of our families and children - and it isn't Digital TV.

I am a failure. At least that is what my TV told me. The other night, during the evening news, several of the local TV stations conducted a digital signal test to show viewers if their television was ready for the upcoming switch from analog to digital broadcasting. As my wife and I sat with our two boys, we had fun counting down the seconds until the test would begin (the outcome already known to my wife and I since the TV we were given 9 years ago was definitely not digital-ready). And, lo and behold, when the clock struck zero, the message was clear: we had failed. The boys had even more fun as we flipped through the channels calling out to each other, “We failed!” “We failed, again!” “How about channel 10? Nope! Failed again!”

So yes, I am a failure. I have failed to provide my family with a digital-ready television. Soon, our rabbit ears will be obsolete and our 24” electronic window to the world of broadcast news and entertainment will grow dark. Unless, of course, we convert (but that’s a discussion for another day).

As I was musing on my “failure” as a father, I was actually encouraged that despite my inability to provide some extra “niceties” of modern life, by God’s grace, I have been able to provide not only what the world recognizes as necessities (food, clothing, shelter), but God has also allowed me to provide that which is even more vital to my children—a godly home and Christ-centered schooling.

I was also encouraged to be a part of a Christian school ministry, where other Christian parents and I have partnered together to provide our students with an education that is of the highest caliber—an education where all of God’s truth is taught with excellence for His glory.

And yet, as I continue to watch dozens of Christian schools across the country close their doors for lack of students and for lack of donor support, I have to ask some hard questions of my fellow Christian parents.

How many Christian parents are failing their children on an issue with eternal stakes far greater than digital TV? This Christmas, how many Christian parents will sacrifice to provide their children with new toys, outfits, and electronic gadgets, while failing to provide what their children need most—the one thing God has commanded parents to provide for their children—a knowledge of God, a Biblical worldview?

How many Christian parents who would never, knowingly place their child in physical danger, will more than willingly place their highly impressionable children in spiritual danger every day in a public school system which must, by law, teach moral relativism? How many Christian parents will continue to enroll their intellectually curious children in a public school system which must, by law, artificially remove the truth of God from every academic subject, and which must, by law, remain not neutral (for neutrality when it comes to God is impossible) but anti-God (for acknowledging the creation without acknowledging the Creator is the epitome of idolatry)?

How many Christian parents are giving their children the world to the forfeit of their soul?

A few years ago, my wife and I attended a dinner party at the home of a local couple. The hostess was actually a graduate of the Christian school in which I serve and commented on how impressed she was with the improvements she had seen in the school over the years. She then made the comment I have heard so many times, from so many people. “It’s a shame Christian school tuition is so high. I would love for my kids to go there, but we just can’t afford it.”

I’ll be honest. What I said out loud and what I was really thinking were not the same. What I said was some general, polite comments about scholarships and fundraising and true cost vs. tuition. What I was really thinking was quite different, and perhaps the geniality of the evening was preserved because I didn’t have the boldness to speak it out loud.

As I looked around the very large house, furnished with very nice things, located in a very nice neighborhood, with two very nice cars parked in the very nice, multi-car garage, and some very nice toys filling the very large back yard, I really wanted to say, “Please. Don’t say you can’t afford Christian school. Be honest with yourself. Say you choose not to afford Christian school.”

Too blunt? Maybe. Too insensitive? Probably. And I know, I know, you can’t judge by appearances, etc. etc. But I think there is a core truth to the “I can’t afford Christian school excuse” that many ignore. There are those who value Christian school but genuinely cannot afford it, and there are those who, instead, choose to afford other things they value more.

For example, let’s say an average, middle-class man walks past a Mercedes Benz dealership and says, “Sure, it would be nice to have a Mercedes, but I can’t afford one.” Technically, this is probably not true. He could afford it; he just decides to spend his money elsewhere. For example, he could sell his house and buy the Mercedes. However, most would agree that this would not be a wise decision. It would be a foolish financial move to sell what, for most people, is their largest investment (their home), to buy a car, the value of which depreciates very rapidly.

In the same way, an average, middle-class, Christian family says, “Sure, it would be nice to have our children in Christian school, but we can’t afford it.” As I said earlier, for some, this is indeed true. But technically, for most, this is probably not true. They just decide to spend their money elsewhere. For example, they could move to a smaller home or choose lesser furnishings or drive an older car or vacation in a less expensive place. This brings us to the core question of value. What is the more valuable investment, a home (or furnishings, or car, or vacation, etc.) or the formation and education of one’s children in the best, most biblical way possible?

And the irony is that if even half of those Christian parents who can afford Christian schooling chose to enroll their children, Christian schools would be in such a strong position financially that they would be able to lower tuition for everyone and fully fund scholarship programs for those who truly cannot afford it.

Most parents would sacrifice everything for their children, even their very lives. So why are so many Christian parents not willing to sacrifice financially to provide their children with the best education possible?

I may fail at many things as a father and provider, but may I never disobey God by failing to provide my children with every possible opportunity to be trained up in the way they should go, so when they are old, they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

May I never disobey God by failing to teach my children God’s commands, when I sit at home, when I walk along the road, when I lie down and when I get up (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). And since I cannot be with my children throughout the day, may I never fail to place them under the day-by-day, moment-by-moment teaching and influence of someone who loves God with all of his or her heart and has the freedom to teach my children openly about the Truth.

May I never disobey God by failing to pray for my Christian school, by failing to give to my Christian school, or by failing to lovingly confront my fellow Christian parents in love about their need to do the same.

May I never fail at what matters most.

Reflections on Character Education

Deb Gahman, Hamilton Strategies
Deb recently joined Hamilton Strategies after 23 years as a Christian School educator.

There’s a lot of talk these days about Character Education and the teaching of Ethics in school and in the workplace. In fact, many public schools have not only opted to cover these topics, but have now officially included them in the school district curriculum.

In her article, “What Happened to Ethics?”, Vicki Salemi quotes a business school professional, a co-founder of a training and consulting firm, and an MBA student at a major university. The common thread in their comments is that the core of ethics is being a good citizen by being truthful and choosing right over wrong which leads to the creation of good corporate citizens.

In addition to teaching young adults the importance of honesty in the business world and in all of life’s avenues, these sources were quoted as saying the following:

on servant leadership -“the decision to serve rather than to be served is key to effective leadership…We teach students that sometimes when the numbers look right, the decision is still wrong. A lot of ethics are instilled by operating on a set of values.” Kenneth Blanchard, co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies

on ethics -“We teach it as a hard right instead of the easy wrong…We teach them to frequently flex the ethical muscle so when they graduate and enter the work force it becomes second nature.” Paul Fiorelli, Xavier University

on doing the right thing -“Ethics shape how we ought to behave as an employee, a friend, a co-worker, a citizen [and as] a person.” Casey Field, M.B.A. student, Villanova University

While I agree that we need to teach and train young people how to exhibit ethical behavior in all of life, and I applaud those who have devoted their time and talents to doing just that, I have to wonder about the values on which they base the training.

Years ago, most people agreed upon right and wrong in our society, and on the consequences that went along with making wrong choices. Today, however, it is increasingly difficult to find those who will stand up for truth that is based on God’s Word. In an effort to promote equality in our society, the black and white of lies and truth has been watered down to a muddled gray, leaving the door of ethics wide open for interpretation. Whose ethics are we teaching?

This is where the importance of an education based on God’s Truth is invaluable. Not only do we want to train our children in the truth at home, but it is becoming increasingly apparent that our children are in need of training in character development and ethics at school.

Now, the question is, do you know the central driving force in the values system of your child’s educators? Is it the one true God to whom you have entrusted your life? When your child is faced with a dilemma about right and wrong at school, is there someone he can go to who will base their advice and guidance on the teachings of the God of the universe? Do you have the assurance that your child is in the presence of teachers who will lead them in godly ways throughout their interactions with peers? If you answered yes to all of these questions, you must be the parent of a child who attends a Christian school.


To read Vicki Salemni’s article in its entirety, go to:
http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/Departments/eLearning/Default.aspx?article=WhatHappenedEthics&GT1=27001